


Uncomfortable Truths – Coming Clean

by Queenie_Mab



Series: Uncomfortable Truths [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Asexuality, Bisexuality, College, F/M, M/M, Open Relationships, Secrets, Sexual Identity, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie_Mab/pseuds/Queenie_Mab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part Two of the Uncomfortable Truths series. </p><p>More truths come out when Annabeth realizes something has to give in her relationship with Percy and after talking things over with Piper, decides to take the first step into finding a way to see that everybody has their needs met. Now for the hard part, convincing Percy to warm up to the idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a series that develops three relationships. Jercy, Percabeth, and Jasiper. There will be four parts, each told from a different character's perspective, though I may have a breakthrough scene in later parts where an alternate POV is used. Formatting the story this way is an experiment on my part, and I hope you will enjoy how it all turns out. 
> 
> There will be three chapters to each part (or that's the goal) and a total of four parts. If you'd like to be notified when updates happen, I recommend subscribing to the [SERIES](http://archiveofourown.org/series/214031) rather than to the individual parts. 
> 
> As always I thrive on feedback. If something moves you or leaves you wondering 'did I miss something?' I'd love to hear about it. If you have any hopes for what will happen in future scenes, let me know that too. Your idea might strike me and make it into the fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I explore asexuality and bisexuality in this fic. I want to clarify that all orientations exist on a spectrum and my representation of them is not me saying 'this is the only way it is done'; it's not. It's simply how the muse moved me to present the characters. I have altered my wording when Annabeth explains to Percy what it means to her to be asexual from 'not experiencing sexual arousal' to 'not experiencing sexual attraction'. I don't intend to step on any toes or claim to be the fount of knowlege on the subject of human sexuality. 
> 
> It's actually quite the opposite. I explore sexuality in fic as a method of processing it in my own brain, learning it, feeling out the edges of how different experiences and orientations can be expressed in writing. My reasons for writing about different sexualities, orientations, etc... is simply put, because there isn't enough of it out there. So here's my contribution. 
> 
> To read more about asexuality, please visit [The Asexual Visibility and Education Network](http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html) and thank you for reading!

Coming Clean

  


Annabeth

  
I don't know what game Percy thinks he's playing.

Honestly, I had a feeling it would happen sooner than it did. Piper was the first to bring the inevitability to my attention, but it wasn't until she showed me Katoptris, that I realized how trying to prevent it from happening would end in disaster. Like tempting the fates. 

She'd pulled me aside at campfire that night and led me to the big house porch. We sat on the stairs and she passed me her blade. She said she couldn't watch it again, that it was going to take a while to process without feeling angry and bitter. I unsheathed the blade and looked into the mirrored surface. I saw Jason and Percy wrapped together on a bed, connected by more than their mouths, though the kiss they shared was more intense than any I've ever shared with Percy. I slipped the knife back into its sheath and Piper and I sat in silence for several long minutes. 

"Think we should tell them? Show them?" she'd asked. 

I shook my head. "Definitely not. I think this is one of those things that needs to be allowed to unfold on its own." Blinking back my tears, I'd never felt more deficient than in that moment, but I wasn't going to let it show. I could only imagine how Piper felt already. It wasn't just me that was hurting. "If we showed them … you know what they're like … They'd deny it up and down, start getting weirded out around each other, try to avoid seeing each other and it wouldn't do anything but put it off or even get them killed."

"Agreed," she'd said. And then we returned to the campfire, put on our happy faces and gotten on with life. 

It's been a year since Percy dropped out of high school, seven months since we both started at New Rome University. He still hasn't confessed it to me, but I see it in his face when he stares off in space. It happened and now he misses Jason and what they had together. 

I've set architecture as my major but I think I might go for a double major. My human sexuality and gender studies class has been more eye-opening and personally affirming than any of the others. It was in this class that I finally came to understand that what I had always thought of as a shortcoming, a deficiency, is just my hard-wired sexuality. I am asexual and there's nothing wrong with me. 

Percy and I have only had sex three times and all of them weren't great experiences. I feel horrible just thinking about them, and then even worse when I realize Percy probably feels the same, but doesn't understand why and is too afraid of losing what we have to ask me about it. I've tried to bring it up, to talk to him about what I'm learning, even left my books lying around in both my dormitory and his in the hopes he'll pick them up out of curiosity and maybe find the answers on his own. 

I know. It's a far reach for me to hope it would happen. Percy is far from an idiot, but he misses some things that are right in front of his eyes unless you deliberately point them out and make him _see_. I've been talking to Piper again, mostly by Iris message. It seems she was in the same boat with Jason as far as him not being honest about what happened with Percy, but she finally confronted him about it. He admitted it had happened and that he avoids coming to New Rome as much as possible. When he can't help but make the trek, he doesn't announce he's here because he doesn't want things to be weird. Piper admits she and Jason aren't entirely sexually satisfied with each other, but it's not one-sided or even because of what Jason and Percy did. Piper confessed to me she's pansexual and poly, and one man - even a perfect man - couldn't ever be her only partner. 

She says Jason had a hard time coming to terms with it, but after months of talking it over, he's agreed to open their relationship. 

"What does that mean though?" I ask. "Have you found another partner? Has Jason?"

She twiddles with the red feather tied to the end of her braid. "Honestly, with Jason's personality I think there's only one person other than me he'd even consider being with, and he's already told me it isn't an option. The problem is that I can't really start looking for another partner that we'll both be okay with if he doesn't too. It feels unfair and really …" she sighs "… too much like something my mom would do."

 _Percy_. 

I close my eyes, thinking. He really does need more than I can give. I think back to last night, when we'd sat on my couch watching a movie and cuddling. How I'd been perfectly content just being there with him, close and warm, enjoying his embrace and how good he smells, and then I recall how his breathing had quickened, his grip on my arm tightening, shifting his legs. He'd been aroused. He'd kissed me deep and slow, and then forced himself to stop, to not get carried away as if he was too afraid of pushing me into sex only to find me holding back tears when he wants to see pleasure. I can't do it anymore, can't talk myself into going through the motions when my body screams _do-not-want_. And then he'd kissed me goodnight and run back to his own dorm to find relief with the help of his hand and the sex toys he thinks I don't know about. 

"So you thought Percy …" I start to say, but then it really hits me how it could work. Jason is devoted to Piper. I've seen it with my own eyes, even when he waves at me through the Iris message at times, asking Piper what she's in the mood for for dinner. Jason and Percy had looked so happy together in the vision in Katoptris. So _right_ together, and they could have that if I was okay with it. Piper wants it for them too. "Yes. I agree. I want that for him."

Piper looks at me, one eyebrow raised. "Really? _You'd_ be okay with it?"

I breathe out through my nose. Even though we are close friends, I find her lack of faith trying. She knows about my struggles, how things have been not-working so far and why.

"Of course I would. Percy's probably the most sexual person I know. He _needs_ it and I can't provide it. He's also devoted and probably feels as guilty as …" I stop before I invoke the name on the tip of my tongue, quickly amending, " …hell. If it's Jason, I am alright with it. I don't know how I'd feel if it was somebody else, but …" My face flushes. Piper's smirking at me. "You _know_ what I mean!"

The door opens behind me and she waves. "Hi, Percy!" 

I turn around. "Hey there. You want to talk to Piper?" His eyes widen the smallest amount. I can practically see the guilty thoughts flying through his head.

"Actually, I have to run. Let me know how it goes … after everything." Piper waves her hand through the message and then it's just me and Percy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annabeth and Percy bare their secrets to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. Big Percabeth talk time! 
> 
> Let me know what you think. I love reader reactions!

~*~

  
Percy sits beside me on the couch.

We live in the University dormitories, Percy just down the hall from me, and while the rooms are small, I've maximized the space. At night, my bed folds down from the wall on top of the couch cushions and I installed storage drawers underneath to keep linens and pillows. It works for right now. Percy had wanted us to spring for a shared dorm, but I resisted, avoiding the real issues I had with the idea and explaining that I wanted to have a space that was all mine for the first time. I told him that if I could control my environment, I'd be better able to concentrate on my studies. 

Now though, it really is time to be honest and hope that opening this door to another relationship isn't going to destroy everything we've built together the past seven years. 

He seems to sense the conversation I'm about to start isn't something he's going to be comfortable with. I can read it in the way he picks at his jeans, the way his hands move as if to find anything to keep them busy, his forehead creased in the middle, his eyes wary. 

"What?" he asks, drawing out the word, voice rising in pitch toward the end, worried. "This isn't about me missing our lunch date yesterday is it? Because I honestly _was_ called away–"

"No," I cut him off. "It's not about that." 

He relaxes his shoulders a fraction, but I can tell he's still on edge. 

I reach over and rub his back. It's odd, thinking about what I'm about to propose. I've always considered myself a bit territorial, especially with the people I love, but, thinking about Percy and Jason doesn't give me the same urge to kill things with fire that thinking about Percy with somebody like Rachel Elizabeth Dare, or even Piper would. I dunno. Maybe it's because Jason isn't the sort of person who would deliberately try to break somebody's heart. Not even because of principle, but because he's just not that type of person. I know Piper tries to not be a heartbreaker, but she really does carry some of her mother's more irritating traits. 

Percy tenses under my hand. I wonder if he can sense the big change I'm about suggest. He looks at me, those captivating sea-green eyes holding me in place, begging me not to hurt him. And I realize then why Jason doesn't bother me. Percy has looked at Jason with that same expression, the one I used to think was reserved for me, one that says _I belong to you_. Jason doesn't bother me because Percy loves him. Percy loves him and Percy loves me and I've only really started learning about how human sexuality has many manifestations this year. If Percy hadn't looked at me with those eyes back when we met, if he hadn't claimed me before either of us knew that was what we were doing, I would have joined the hunters of Artemis and that, too, would have been a satisfying life. 

I'm not bitter I didn't choose it. Had I chosen to follow Artemis, I may not have had the chance to move ahead with my study of architecture. I wouldn't have met Dedalus and discovered the other layers of my personality, perhaps even after a thousand years. I'd have been frozen at age 12, happily living life as the wild child I once was. I'm more than okay with where I ended up. 

"Annabeth…" he says, and I realize he paused not because there wasn't more to his sentence, but because he's choking up. I soften my gaze and lean forward, giving him a soft kiss. He smiles against my lips and I taste salt. He's trying not to cry. I pull back and look at him, tilting my head. "Please don't go."

"What are you talking about, Seaweed Brain? Who said I was going anywhere?"

He cocks his head, though I'm not sure if he's doing it to match me or because he thinks that is how one sees things from another angle. I hide the grin that threatens to inappropriately take over my face.

"What is it then? I'm getting some really weird vibes and I don't have a clue what they mean."

I settle my hand on his thigh and squeeze it. Nice and strong. He can take it. I just have to convince him that he can. "It is something, Percy," I admit. "A big something." 

His eyes widen at the word _big_. I wonder if he's putting two and two together faster than he's letting on. I have a feeling he is. Percy can play dumb better than Mr. D and Apollo put together, but like them, he's smarter than people give him credit for. "You know the class I'm taking? I've brought it up a lot over the past few months."

He grins stupidly and looks at me side-eyed. "Yeah, the sex class?"

I roll my eyes. "It's not just about sex, it's the study of human sexuality." I stop talking a second as he frowns. I think he's trying to look confused in order to cover up his discomfort with the word _sexuality_. I study his face, and I don't think he realizes just how intertwined our fates are. I can read his thoughts as if they were my own and right now he's trying really hard to hide that he's bisexual, aware of it, and doesn't want to admit it. I start again before the silence makes things weird. "This is about me, Percy. What I'm trying to tell you right now."

His eyes flash with relief, eyebrows softening, forehead smoothing. I know that talking about his sexuality would end the conversation before we even got started, that he'd close his ears to anything I'd say and dissolve into panic. I'm not quite sure why I find even that part of him endearing, but I do. 

"Okay?" he says. He covers the hand I have on his thigh with his hand. 

"Percy, you know – and please don't try to make excuses or denials about it – how we don't have sex very much. And when we do, it really sucks?"

He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing, forehead creasing again. He nods. 

"It isn't anything you're doing wrong. I mean, you don't suck as a lover." I take a deep breath and remind myself I trust him. He's seen me at my absolute basest level. We've held hands in our soul forms. We've gone through hell and back together, literally. "I'm asexual, Percy," I finish, though the admission comes out a lot quieter than I'd meant it to. I don't want to sound like I'm ashamed of it, but it's out now. I'll wait for him to react before I make that clear. 

He takes a minute, chewing his tongue without realizing it as he works out what I told him. "You mean you reproduce with yourself? Like how your mom has kids?"

I almost can't believe he just said that. But the earnest look on his face, the way he focuses his eyes on mine and holds my gaze lets me know he's trying to understand. I start to laugh. I can't help it. It's not that it's really very funny, more like I'm just relieved that even if asexual reproduction was what I was talking about, he isn't bolting for the door. 

His face flushes red and he sticks his tongue out at me, then grins. "Alright then, Wise Girl. If that's not it, then please tell me what it is. I'm all ears."

I settle down and pull him along with me so we're resting against the back of the couch, half-cuddling. Our heads tilt together as we hold hands, facing my desk on the other side of the room, though not really looking at it. 

"Asexuality is an orientation where a person doesn't experience sexual attraction, or at least, for me, it's like I do feel emotionally connected with you and it's amazing that we're together and dedicated to each other, but when it comes to actually having sex …" 

He turns his head, making me turn mine too until we're facing each other only a couple of inches apart. "I don't need sex, Annabeth. Not if you don't want it. I just want to be with you and if that means we don't have sex, I'm okay with that. "

"But see, Percy," I start to say. He stops me.

"No, listen. I'm serious. We've gone all this time without doing it. The couple of times we did didn't work out and that's okay. Now that I know it's just something you're not into, we can totally work around that. I'm not gonna pressure you or anything. I don't want to lose you, though. You're more important to me than a place to stick my dick."

I smile at him. He thinks he means what he says and he's earnest at wanting to prove it to me. I know him though and he doesn't know what I've seen. It's possible that he's spent the past year convincing himself that the thing with Jason was a hallucination or a fluke. 

"I love you, Percy. I love you so much that I'm not going to let you make that declaration, but I do have to admit I'm insanely happy to hear that you don't think of me as a dick receptacle."

He tries to protest again and I stop him, squeezing his hand. "Percy, you are sexual. You love sex. I don't want you to think that in order for us to be together you have to deny that entire part of yourself. All that would do would plant bitterness between us that wouldn't be so bad at the beginning, but after a while it could totally ruin everything else. I don't want to ruin _us_."

He furrows his eyebrows. "I don't understand. How can we be together, not having sex with each other but still …" His eyes widen as the realization of what I'm suggesting seems to dawn on him. He shakes his head. "I don't want to have sex with somebody else while I'm with you. I can't …" I watch the emotions play out across his face, his eyes widening, narrowing, growing darker, nostrils flaring and relaxing, lips tensing and parting. He's already done it. I watch as he seems to finally admit that he has the capacity to love more than just me and it breaks my heart to see the hurt in his face as he hates himself for it. 

"Listen to me, Percy." I run my hand down the side of his face as a tear builds in the corner of his eye. "I'm not saying I will be okay with you going out and picking up random people as the need strikes. I'd want to be aware of who you're with and sure that you have feelings for them and them for you, that the sexual relationship you develop will be healthy and satisfying."

"O-kay?" he says, his voice cracking. "So this is just a: let's set it up so when I meet this theoretical person we'll deal with it together sort of thing?"

I sigh. "Sort of. But I think I may have already found a solution and I just need you to know that I'll be okay with it and that I think you ought to consider giving it a chance." 

He stiffens under my hand, and pulls back, slipping his hand free and rearranging his position on the couch so one leg is tucked up. I don't know if he realizes he's closing himself off, like if he wasn't uncertain about where we stand, he'd make an excuse to get away. 

My mind fishes for a way to put him back at ease, to get him to hear my suggestion and to take it seriously. I'm not sure there is a method to accomplish that and I decide to wait for him to say something first. 

"Does this have anything to do with Piper?" he asks. I hear mistrust in his tone of voice. 

I frown at him and sigh halfheartedly. "Are you going to hear me out or are you going to let your brain talk you into all sorts of suspicions and imagined scenarios and not take in a word I'm saying?"

He wrinkles his forehead. He looks like a pleading puppy who wants to please his master but can't sit still long enough to perform a requested trick. "I – uh –" He shakes himself and resumes his previous position beside me. I love how comfortable we are together, how we seem to fit together just right, like the cogs in a clock. "Okay. I'll hear you out. I'm not going to promise that I'll like it or that I won't need to go off and think it over for a while, but … I trust you."

He drapes his arm over my shoulders and I close my eyes a moment and enjoy the closeness and his smell, the feel of his weight and the safety his arms have come to represent. I feel him start to relax too and it makes it easier to keep talking. 

"Piper and Jason are also at a point in their relationship where they're ready to open up to new partners, but to also stay together." I feel him tense briefly as if he's forcing himself to stay put. "I trust them, Percy. You do too. I think you really know that deep down. We've all been through so much together."

Percy hums under his breath. It's a small sound, but he's agreeing with me. That's something. "But I don't like Piper in a …" He gestures his disinterest. "… like that. You know?"

Oh boy. Here comes the hard part. I don't know how he's going to react when I say what needs to come next. "I do. I know."

"Then why are you suggesting them?" 

I sigh, exasperated. "Percy. I know about Jason." He tenses, practically freezes beside me. It feels like the temperature drops ten degrees in an instant. I go on. "And I'm okay with it. I knew about it before anything even happened. Piper did too."

His lifts his arm off my shoulders and puts his hands in his lap. They're trembling. His whole body seems to be shaking. "Wh – what do you mean?"

I wish I could stay even-headed, but sometimes he just drives me nuts. I do attempt to temper my voice, but my words still sound like they're barbed. "Please stop lying to me. Right now, we need to have total truth. I know that you are bisexual, Percy and that you and Jason have had sex before. And I am okay with that. I'm not mad at you. The only disappointment I have is that you tried to keep it hidden from me."

He goes still, his hands flaccid in his lap, shoulders shrugged forward, head bowed. "Bisexual?" he says after a long pause. "What does that … I don't think …"

I forget that Percy doesn't pay attention to a lot of things in school and that a lot of schools don't teach anything about sexuality. He's bounced around from as many schools as I have and his experiences in the the real world have been limited by his demigod status. Mine have too, but I'm different from him in how I seek out knowledge. How I strive to understand people and what makes them work. 

"Sexuality is a spectrum, Percy. If you go only on the assumption that there are two genders, then the spectrum would be that some people are gay, some are straight and some fall in between, attracted to both. I think you fit on that spectrum as bi. There are other considerations about gender identity and how it affects sexual orientation, but for this conversation, yeah. Bi covers you, I think."

He's quiet again for some time. And then. "How … What … I didn't mean …" He stops. He looks at me, his eyes watery. "I'm sorry."

I give him a break and open my arms for a hug which he instantly takes. He holds me tight and buries his face in my shoulder while I smooth my hands down his back. I love how strong his back is, how the muscles feel under my palms. And then I realize what I'm doing. I'm hiding from feeling the same pain Percy is by focusing on things that are distracting. It hurts to hear the person you love finally admit they've been keeping a huge secret from you, even though I already knew about it. He had no idea I knew and I second guess myself for waiting so long to call him out on it. 

We hold each other without any more words until it's time to go to sleep. 

"I'll go back to my room now," he says, pulling away at last. "I've got a lot of thinking to do."

I nod. I do as well and unlike Percy, I'm taking extra classes and don't have most of tomorrow free. 

He stands to go when I spot one of the books I've been reading for human sexuality. I grab it from my desk and hand it to him. "Maybe do a little bit of reading? It's got the dyslexia friendly font I like, so you shouldn't have too much trouble with it."

He tucks the book under his arm and sweeps his bangs out of his eyes. "Can I still kiss you?"

I smirk at him and pull him by the shirt so we're face to face. "If you stop kissing me you'll find yourself facing my wrath."

I love the way his eyes sparkle and I meet his lips when they find mine. For me, kissing Percy is natural as breathing. I don't know if I would have ever found that to be true with anybody else if I hadn't met him. He came into my life and the world turned upside down and inside out, but he's always been the constant I could count on. 

When we break apart and say goodnight, I feel hopeful for the future. I really think we'll be able to find a way to make this messy relationship nightmare work. As I close the door, I remind myself we're demigods. We can do anything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annabeth learns a bit more than she wants to about Piper and Jason's relationship and then she gets cozy with Percy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next part of the series will be in Jason's POV. There will be Jercy action. And follow me on tumblr at [Mab-speaks](http://mab-speaks.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Share your thoughts with me. I want to hear them.

~*~

  


"So how'd it go?" Piper asks from a shimmering Iris message above my desk. I've barely had time to set down my backpack.

I drop into my chair and kick off my shoes. "I think he's going to give it a shot. It got pretty emotional for a while. How about you? You guys are planning to come back when again?"

Piper twiddles her hair, a sure sign she's freaking out on the inside. It's strange, but ever since I've started to really understand myself, I seem to be able to read my friends more readily than I used to. 

"Jason's going back to New Rome tomorrow. I'm coming with him to see you guys and …" she shrugs, her cheeks darkening. "Well, we'll see if Jason and Percy rekindle, or whatever. Then I'm traveling up to Seattle on my own for a couple of weeks." 

"Yeah?" I ask. "What are you gonna do up there?"

I watch her worry her bottom lip with her teeth. Then she leans forward on her elbows. "I … uh … Well, you know what I told you before, about me needing something I just can't get from Jason." She exhales long and slow. "Part of it is that he's … We're too similar in some ways. That class you're taking, does it go into dom/sub culture at all?"

I blink a few times. The truth is that I am learning quite a bit about different sexualities, but hearing my friends talk about these subjects as they're actively seeking them out in their lives and I'm not, I can't help but feel a little like I'm speaking a different language. "Yes?" I say, hesitation drawing it out.

"I don't want to go into details, Annabeth. Not if it makes you uncomfortable, but Jason and I are both more drawn to the dom side of things and, I dunno … He has trouble seeing me from that perspective when it comes to us, but like, he gets it when I interact with other people. It's one of the things that I think really attracted us initially. I have trouble really feeling free, I guess, feeling like I can reach my potential in the bedroom because he's – well, so big, really. He's got that Roman wolf pack thing happening too, and I don't like feeling intimidated, you know? Like shown up? He doesn't do it on purpose or anything like that; it's just who he is. But with daily life and relationship things, we're really good together. Does that make sense at all?"

"I think so," I tell her. But in my head I'm wondering if that's part of why Jason and Percy work together. In the vision Katoptris had shown, Jason certainly did seem to have been more dominant. I feel my face heat up, mind racing to try to think of anything else to get off the subject. "Umm, why Seattle?" I hardly know why I'm asking. I'm just spouting words to get Piper to talk some more so I don't have to. 

Her lips turn up in a smirk and she sits back in her chair on the other side of the Iris message. "Hylla said she'd show me the ropes, sort of a behind the scenes tour of the amazons. Should be fun and educational." 

I glance at my laptop and then back at Piper, relieved to have found a reason to back out of this conversation before I ask anymore questions with answers I really don't want to hear. "Percy should be here any minute. I still need to make sure he's okay with, you know, everything. I'll talk to you later."

Piper chuckles and says goodbye before swiping her hand through the message and ending the call. 

I take a couple of deep breaths, reminding myself that what I want more than anything is for Percy to be able to have his needs met by somebody who loves him, and that he and I will be able to work on our relationship and grow it into something that will last. What Piper and Jason do as far as domination goes is none of my business and I don't need to think about it. 

A key turns in the lock on my door and I swivel my chair as Percy lets himself in. "Hey you. How's it going?" I sound far too cheerful even to my own ears. 

Fortunately, Percy responds well to it. He smiles at me and I stand up to meet him for a hug and a kiss. Then we sit on my couch and I lean my head on his shoulder. "I did a lot of thinking today. A lot of reading too, if you can believe it."

I chuckle and nod. "It's amazing how a subject can really become interesting when it's relevant to your life."

"Yeah, totally." He's quiet for a few long moments. "You're really okay with the idea of me and Jason … like … fucking each other's brains out?"

I close my eyes and grimace. But I open them again right away. "Percy, I'm okay with you and Jason doing whatever it is that you need to do. I don't necessarily want to hear the details, at least, not right away. Not unless I ask."

"Sorry," he says, going quiet again. "But I just really need to say this to you right now. I'm not sure why it's such a huge deal to me, but it is."

I lift my head and look him in the eyes. "Okay. I want to hear it."

"Just … You're right that I've been lying to you this past year … by not telling you about what happened with Jason. But really it's been longer than that. You know …" His face colors and he seems to be struggling to keep meeting my eyes. "Okay, it's just, you know … when guys have sex with each other, it's sort of like … Damn, I don't even know why I'm having trouble saying it. I feel embarrassed, and then, after reading some of the chapters in that book, I'm mad at myself for being embarrassed."

"Are you trying to tell me that when you and Jason had sex that you were the bottom?"

He nods, his eyes wincing like he's ready for me to start making fun of him for it. I wrinkle my forehead. 

"But you liked it, right?"

His eyes go wider, taking on an almost sad look, completely at odds with his answer. "I freaking loved it. That's what I'm trying to say, I guess. I've known I like to have, er, things up my butt when I'm getting off, for a long time. And I think part of why I failed so hard when we … you and me tried sex … was because I was so focused on hiding that from you, I didn't catch your cues that you were really just not into it at all. And I want to tell you I'm sorry for that."

And just like that, he makes me fall in love with him all over again. 

"Percy, I … thank you." I fling my arms around him and hug him as tight as I can. "I love you, idiot. You are perfect to me exactly as you are."

"I don't really think I'm like totally bi though," he says. 

I draw back and lift an eyebrow at him. "Yeah? It's fine, I just wonder why you think that."

"I've never been attracted to guys before, at all. I mean I noticed them, but more in an admiration sort of way, like something I'd want to be myself, not like lusting after them. But Jason, it's different. I don't know how to explain it really. I wasn't attracted to him and then I really was. So he's like the exception, but I do like getting fucked, so I don't really know. Honestly, if it wasn't for you being asexual, I'd probably ask you to fuck me with a strap on and I'd never want sex from a guy at all."

I nod. I think I get what he's trying to tell me. "It's okay if you don't want to put a label on it. That's all it is, and it's how you feel about how you identify. If you want to call it a bromance and leave it at that, it's fine with me."

He breathes out through his nose, his forehead creasing. "If it's anything at all, though. I haven't even talked to Jason since that night. It's been a long time. He's avoided me and I've avoided him. It's possible that it was really just a one night sort of thing. And, if that is the case, I just want to make it clear to you that I am fine with going along as we have been. I have … toys and things, so it's not like I'm suffering."

I stroke his face with my hand, then boop him on the nose. Well, he'll be here tomorrow and I guess we'll find out then."

Percy's face drains of color. He stares at me blankly. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Are you okay? We can arrange for you two to meet later in the week if you need more time. You look really pale."

He swallows and shakes his head slowly. "I'm just tired. No. I think it's the sort of thing that will be better to figure out sooner than later." He stares at his hands in his lap. He looks lost. And then he looks back at me, pleading. "Annabeth, uh … can I stay with you tonight? It's just … nightmares and nerves. I really need to be close to you and I promise not to …"

"Yes," I answer before he rambles on any more. "I want to be close to you before tomorrow's meeting too."

The relief on his face is pure gold. 

We stand up together and pull my bed down from the wall, then put the sheets and blankets on the mattress. 

Lying together in the dark, our legs tangling, breaths mingling, I know that what we've got is worth fighting for, worth the compromises. 

As his breathing evens out and my eyelids grow heavy, he asks one more question. "How are we gonna have kids in the future? Do you have brainchild powers?"

It's a sort of silly question, but the fact he's thinking about us having a family even after all the upheaval of the past couple of days, all the uncomfortable truths, makes me realize he's serious. 

"Let's talk about that when we're actually ready for those kids. We'll work it out." 

"Love you," he murmurs into the dark, and then starts snoring softly. 

"You too, Percy." 

I fall asleep smiling.


End file.
